Riding with the four horsemen

“We are living in dangerously weird times now. Smart people just shrug and admit they’re dazed and confused. The only ones left with any confidence at all the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic.”
– Hunter S. Thompson

This is a strange time indeed. I have said it often. This has been said about Douglas Coupland: “He’s been described as an ‘optimist obsessed with apocalypse,’ but one might just as easily conclude he’s a pessimist preoccupied with redemption.”

I can’t help but identify with that sentiment. I have been accused of cynicism. I have been accused with pessimism. I have been accused of many being things. Who knows? Maybe they are right. God, I hope so.

So please read this rosy piece of news and tell me what you think:

Or read the Millennium Ecosystem Assessment Website for yourself:

This isn’t bullshit green activism here. It is the result of some of the world’s top scientific experts in their respective fields. But who really cares though right?

I’m writing an essay for the Walrus concerning the most pressing issue facing the next generation of Canadians and what should be done about it. The working title is Bodies Floating in the Water. The main thrust is that we, being on the cusp of history, are the most likely to face a drastic and catastrophic change in the way are lives are lived. There is nothing to be done about it but conduct a dramatic change of our direction. This change will not occur. We as a generation will be very sorry about it, but ultimately lost as what to do about it.

It will contain the best story I’ve ever heard:

Once upon a time, a lily pad grew on a pristine pond. It started small. But it doubled in size every day. It did this every day for 30 days until the lily pad covered the entire surface of the pond…

So the riddle goes: On which day does the lily pad cover half of the pond?

The answer: Day 29.

We are on day 29 and a half. Don’t believe me? Ask your friends and family how far their money is going these days. Ask if they have any debts. Ask them if they were in better or worse financially this year compared to previous years. Ask if they know how to grow enough food to feed themselves for a year.

Chances are you’ll get some interesting answers. I’m going to write an in-depth feature about it when I’m not so busy cooking and eating the neighbourhood cats.

Meanwhile, today is Vincent Van Gogh’s birthday. Laying on his deathbed (two days after he shot himself) he uttered these words that pretty much sum up the human race, La tristesse durera toujours. Translated as: The sadness will last forever.

Chins up kids. I’m rooting for you.

Seal Hunting & Shadow Midget

Canada has done some silly stuff with the environment. Seal Clubing occurs off the coast every couple of years, or so it seems. They say that there are too many seals. They say that there aren’t enough fish in the sea to feed all the seals.

That is probably because people eat fish. Eastern Canadians are big Cod fans…

Meanwhile, in a darkened room with walls lined with grime, a tiny shadowy midget is charging a young person until that young person finally succumbs.

We all live in a yellow coke submarine

This seems like some sort of crazy idea that I’d come up with. It’s like building an underground liar in the moutains or having a secret island base on a tropical island.

I should have been a supervillain.

This is pretty gross too. I’m never eating anything ever again. With the money I’ll save, I’m going to build a hovercraft.

Car Crashes

Just witnessed one from the office window. Ever wonder why cars only slow down after there has been an accident. Some poor guy was crossing the street and was smoked by a car in the second lane. I’ve got to cross that same road on the way home tonight.

Bobby F. and the strangest

There is a person called Bobby Fischer. He played chess. Back in 1972 he won the most publisized game of chess ever played. Then he disappeared.

He’s had a strange life.

Through the window

Fast-moving grey clouds that break up and get pushed on. Trees sway like a drunk idiot. Cars roll on the streets then stop. I imagine lightening in the distance. Across the street neither the cars nor the reflecting windows are affected by the wind. They are still. However the dirt is blown into the lone pedestrian’s face and eyes.

Bottom of the barrel, still in a cage

Strange things are happening. They’ve got kids in cages. They don’t say why.

The BBC reports

Shortages are also popular.

The Telegraph

They don’t say why.