I’ve just decided that I’ll be the bastard who shouts as we plummet towards the earth, “I wonder what the poor people are doing right now?”
Truly,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
Moving
Packing papers into boxes. Moving those boxes into a larger box with wheels. Fun.
From basement to basement. Less spiders in the new place, however the spiders that are there are larger.
To the nice people I’ll never see again after I stop going to college
It’s been great. I mean it. We have shared good times.
Lunchlady: Thanks for letting me have a big coffee even though the “egg on a bun” combo dictates a small.
Librarian: Enjoy the drum circles. I like them too.
Carpet Back: My girlfriend hates it when I call you that. I won’t anymore.
Bitchy Nick: Keep on truckn’. Whatever that means.
Mr. Johnston: Hopefully poisonous snakes stay away from you while you’re building schools for poor children.
Low-cut shirt Stephanie: The second floor directly overlooks your work studio downstairs. It amplifies the already thrilling perspective of your shirts. Maybe you should keep that in mind.
To everybody I didn’t include, simply insert your favourite thank you from the preceding thank you’s and call it even.
Sincerely,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
To the single reader that subscribes to my RSS feed
We haven’t met, but I like you. You’ve ensured that these letters are dropped into your virtual mailbox as soon as possible. I love that sort of ambition.
I’ll buy you a beer if you’d like one.
I Promise.
Sincerely,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
Dear unfinished business
Hey good looking! We’ve enjoyed an interdependent relationship for so many years. I feel like I know you like the back of my hand. We met when I tried to finished that novel a couple years back. I thought I was too good for you. What a young fool I was.
This weekend is going to have to be different. I’m sorry. It may hurt you. But let’s be clear… It’s you, not me. External circumstances have forced me to break off our relationship.
I hope you understand. It won’t be long before we meet again, I’m sure.
Sincerely,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
Dear prospective employers
This time it will be different. I swear. I’m not so bad. The days of showing up to work under the influence are long over. I promise.
I’m together and I’ll do your company good. I’ll make you money. I won’t steal office supplies. No staplers or paper clips will ever come home with me.
You won’t be sorry. No cruel jokes about your appperance to co-workers. No sleeping with your wife.
Hire me. I’ll do no wrong and you’ll be happy with my attitude and productivity.
Truly,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
Cold war gets colder
These are from 60 years ago. Just released to the public.
This is on the heels of UK’s defense secretary calling for a review of the geneva convention for being to easy on terrorist threats in the 21st Century.
I’m scared.
Dancing to the pharmaceutical marimba
Generic cold & flu drugs are great. They turn thoughts into shapes and nothing could be more fun than building blocks with your brains.
No more sore throat. Now killer medicine head takes hold. Writing to deadline on medicine head is brutal.
Fun but not.
