I got you in the mail today. I wasn’t expecting much but you were less than I thought. It is the worst kind of disappointment. Especially after all the time I’ve been spending fantasizing about your arrival. I may starve to death because of you.
I ate the neighbour’s cat because your previous incarnation let me down in a similar fashion. Stop doing this to me. I might get around to paying you off if you do.
There I said it. Now leave me alone.
Fergis T. McGillicuddy