Dear Count Chocula

After buying a box of your cereal from Safeway, I had the first bowl of Count Chocula since I was 12. I try to avoid sugar but it was on sale and I was feeling reckless. Cap’n Crunch is my usual bad breakfast cereal.

Let me tell you, Chocula, you make a damn chocolaty cereal. It hurts my teeth to even think about eating the rest of the box. I will, of course, but I fear adverse effects on my health. I don’t mention this to taint your cereal’s reputation, but I thought you should know.

I was thinking you should consider a job as a dictator for a Soviet-successor state. You could have a very frightening career if you played your cards right. Hell, you could even bring your cereal to new markets.


Fergis T. McGillicuddy


6 comments on “Dear Count Chocula

  1. pyro287 says:

    My friends took an empty box of count chocula. They noticed he has “changed” his appearance. Kinda softened him up a bit. Dave said they maid him “emo” .

    He took a black marker and put black mascara on his eyes, and tears running down his face. It looked funnay as hell, so ” emo”.

    That night, i noticed the first 3 letters of CHOcula on the box. Very easily I made the C into an E. Then the second letter, H, an M with a slightly different outline. The box now said Count EMOcula.

    We cut the front of the seial box off, and taped it to the back of his car. Funny as hell. Thank You

  2. sandra says:

    i am 33 years old and have been eating count chocula for as long as i can remember. it’s the best chocolate cereal ever made. i don’t know where many of you live but i am in new york and it is becoming hard to find. it is driving me insane, every supermarket or grocery store i go to is out and say they are not receiving anymore.i will write to General Mills to find out what is going on. if they are selling Boo-Berry they have to sell Count Chocula.

  3. joe says:

    I love count chocula!!!!! IT is soooo amazing ive been eating it ever since i was 3 months old. Now im 76 and my teeth r rotted out but i still love to eat it. I love count chocula i have kept talleys on how many boxes i have eatin andi ate 3478 boxes. Im goin for 4000 wish me luck!! GO COUNT CHOCULAQ!!!!!!!!!!!! =]

  4. bob says:

    suck my big fat hairy veiny balls

  5. bob says:

    i will fucking eat u

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