Open Letter to Searchers of Various Literary Pornography

These have been very busy days in these parts; there are many visitors. I like it.
However, I feel I must apologize to the people searching for “16 17 18 underwear models [sic]” or “sizzling redheads” for the absence of said querries. It’s partially my fault for writing to penthouse and not including anything the least bit “hot” or “erotic.” I thought I was being clever. Also, I’d like to mention that the real Penthouse Forum shouldn’t be that difficult to find. While there, you can use your credit card to pay for all sorts of smutty literature. Hell, there’s a public library in your city or town that lets people borrow books like that for the low price of a membership.

I suppose I should be flattered…and I am, but the truth is I can’t write erotica. I tried once and it was embarrassing. So now, I merely parody it in a poor manner.

Sorry again,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy


6 comments on “Open Letter to Searchers of Various Literary Pornography

  1. marketmonkey says:

    Dear Mr. McGillicuddy,

    I am delighted to have stumbled upon your blog. I will visit often. Your letters fill me with glee.

    Yours faithfully,

    Mr. Monkey

  2. cgot says:

    Your letters are the sort I could’ve wrote…

    check out my blog at

  3. slurredpress says:

    I know how you feel.

    I wrote about elephant poop ONCE (maybe three times) and the majority of my hits still come from google searches for “elephant big poop” or “elephant turd giant pooping elephant shit”.

    The difference here is that I broke down and began posting pictures of elephants pooping in order to please the people.

  4. fergis says:

    As a vain populist, I’m working very hard against the temptation to pander to the smutty public. Fortunately for me, the elephant poop market is cornered.

  5. slish says:

    ‘Literary Pornography’

    This title reminded me of one of Michael Turners books
    “the pornographer’s poem”
    And a great read it was!
    Anyone interested check it out.
    Just wanted to mention that.
    This book would be a great add to the ‘high school reading list.’ Although I’m sure it would be burned in some states.

  6. Brad says:

    Happy birthday to Krista Ayne, she’s a good one!

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