Dear Johan

It has been far too long my friend, but I’ve been busy working, much to your surprise, I’m sure.

I recently gained employment at a busy media production house. It manufactures postmodern fiction on a daily basis. The company must maintain the swift and timely creation of these fictions to stay in business.

While I enjoy the creative environment, I haven’t done actual work. I’ve spent many hours watching others work. My supervisor calls the time “training.” I’m not sure what to call it. I’ve watched so many tasks completed by others that I am unsure if I would be able to finish anything myself. I’ve managed to develop a persona that veils this uncertainty. I walk around the office very quickly. I keep a determined face. I avoid idle chitchat even while others seem to engage in it incessantly. I’m careful to distance myself from direct observance. I am constantly resolving a pressing responsibility somewhere mysterious.

I am beginning to worry that my persona as “confident multi-task manager” is too effective. It won’t be long before my supervisor expects that I complete actual tasks. You of all people understand how greatly this troubles me. Please advise.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

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One comment on “Dear Johan

  1. dear fergis

    i appreciate the precarious situation and thought i might lend what some advice based on the limited knowledge i have of your situation- failing your old friend johan managing a reply.

    i must recommend that you avoid performing actual tasks as a solution to your situation. to do so will encourage the idea in those around you that you are enthusiastic about the possibility of performing more of them.

    they may even conceive of some warped mindset where a person, you in this case, may derive some pleasure or feeling of accomplishment from these “actual tasks”. this is dangerous thinking that has led to such things as careers, booming stock markets and, in one extreme case, america.

    i have heard of something known as “delegation”. i am reliably informed that in the situation you find yourself in that this “delegation” combined with a modicum of wit, charm and good suits may hold you in good stead through 10-12 years of corporate life. possibly eventually involving things called “promotion” and “bonuses”.

    please be aware that this is all hearsay and i cannot speak from any personal experience. i had an office job only once, for half an afternoon, and it did not work out.

    i apologise for my allergy to capital letters. they make me sneeze and gunge up my keyboard.

    and “reliably informed” might have been an exaggeration.

    midnight_jester

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