Dear Hon. Health and Wellness of Alberta Minister Ron Liepert:

According to recent statistics, Health and Wellness is spending $13.2 billion in 2008-09, equalling about $3771 for every person in the province.

I’ve done some calculations and I believe I’ve come up with an actionable “Made-in Alberta” solution to our health care crisis that will both increase system accessibly and reduce patient wait times.

The best part: It only requires two elements, both inexpensive and efficient.

A basic 16 oz. claw hammer from Home Depot retails for $6.27, tax included. A burlap sack costs around $2, even less if you buy in bulk. Call it the “fourth way.”

One hammer and sack for each man, woman and child in Alberta would only require an expenditure of about a half a million dollars ($423,216 to be exact). Apparently the province currently spends $1.5 million on health care every hour.

Treatment by medical specialists could begin almost immediately as a patient was brought to the facility, which wouldn’t need to be a hospital anymore. A warehouse or vacant lot would suffice.

The massive savings could then be passed on to truly essential expenditures, like ministerial pay hikes.

Surely a number of Albertans will be dismayed by this startlingly innovative method of health care delivery. I believe a simple ad campaign would assuage their fears and misconceptions. I’d suggest a cheeky print-based campaign centred on the slogan: “Get in the sack with Alberta Health and Wellness.”

As evidenced by your deft handling of the recent super board imposition and the like, I believe you are the forward-thinking leader that can will implement an efficient governance structure for a flexible and responsive health system of the 21st century. A hammer and a burlap sack is that system.

Cheers,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

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2 comments on “Dear Hon. Health and Wellness of Alberta Minister Ron Liepert:

  1. Trish says:

    What — no letters to Boris Johnson? Or Gordon Brown? Or, I don’t know, Fergie? (Sarah, the Duchess, Fergie. Although perhaps Fergie, the singer, too.)

  2. fergis says:

    Lovely Trish,

    Alas! This particular missive was drafted during the unannounced summer break from Fergis Writes Letters and stands as the last Albertan content on the blog for the foreseeable future. Unless Ed Stelmach covers a baby with bacon bits and eats it with a side of sour cream right in the middle of the Alberta Legislature. I’d write a letter to him about it.

    British content is on its way.

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