This letter is to offer my services as a public relations consultant. I would work for far less pay than the PR firm you have been employing so far and, if you don’t mind me saying, offer superior results.
Tomorrow, this is all you need to say:
“Hey everybody. I just wanted to you to know that I’ve had a great couple months here. The nursing staff have been so attentive and great. I’ll be golfing again soon. Rest assured, I’ll destroy the competition. That’s it. Thanks again to the nursing staff…”