You have all surrendered your earthly possessions. You have all toiled in our majestic fields. You have all given your wives and daughters to me. You have all wanted nothing but to serve the Spirit of the Tall Mountain. So, I think it you deserve an explanation.
It’s painful to admit (though I’m sure more painful to hear), I made it all up. There is no Spirit of the Tall Mountain and it certainly didn’t speak through me as a divine conduit…even though I claimed it did and punished those who questioned my assertions. I lied.
It started as a bar bet five years ago when my buddy said I didn’t have the dedication to start a cult. Fifty dollars is a pretty serious wager. So, I got started writing a doctrine, designing the nifty Church of the Tall Mountain insignia, sewing the robes wore by my followers at all times, arranging for a private compound in the foothills and so forth. Let me tell you that it was harder than I thought. There were dark times that I didn’t want to go on with the routine affairs that running a cult demands. The constant brainwashings, the daily rituals and rites, the philandering…It all got too much for me. That’s why I decided to quit. I lost my purpose…but I gained $50.
Now, I think I’m going to apply to a techincal college and learn computer drafting. I hear there is good money in the trades these days.
You might be thinking, “Now what do we do?” Well, maybe you should re-connect with the friends and family that you haven’t spoken to in several months and in some cases years…They probably want to hear from you.
Well, take it easy,
Fergis T. McGillicuddy
Former Supreme Overlord of the Church of Tall Mountain