Dear Britney Spears’ Crotch

You’ve been hanging out lately. That’s cool I guess. I hang out when I’m at home. It’s no big deal though. I don’t have photographers trying to snap pictures of me exiting vehicles. Plus, I don’t normally wear skirts out in pubic. Uh…I mean public.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

PS: Tell the rest of your body to go easy on the post-natal Mojitos.

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To Ex-Lovers Britney and K-Fed

Oh lord, how long? Two years apparently. You poor creatures you. How tragedy befalls the meek.

But to anwser your question, no, divorcing Kevin won’t help him sell more copies of “Playing With Fire.” Nothing could help sell more copies of “Playing With Fire.” Nothing.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy