To Rebecca, and other Dog, the Bounty Hunter Fans

This is a letter from a fan…of reality television.

I love your show and I whatch it every time your on Beth is so funny I love to see you and your team work as a team I had a hard time and life and then I saw your show and I know it was all about my choises
have a good day and keep up your hard work

Rebecca

Hello Rebecca. I don’t have a show. So you must have been watching something else. In the future, it may be in your best interest to end your sentences with a period. It’s that key that has a dot on it. While you’re at it, it might help to run your work through a spellchecker. Or you could just read things…

I sympathize with your hard life and times. However, I can’t sympathize with your abuse of the English language. There isn’t much that I get upset in this world, but this is one of these things. Please get yourself a membership to your local public library and get out a few books. They can be about anything. Just start reading…

That goes for everybody who wrote their own letters to Dog on this website. While I appreciate that you took the time to plug a few words into a search engine and then plug a few more words into the “leave a comment field,” you must realize I am not Dog. I am a poor, lazy, drunk, Canadian writer. I may be lonely, but I don’t enjoy reading the heartfelt musings to somebody I don’t know. It probably boils down to insecurities on my part. I desperately seek validation from strangers, so if you’d like to tell me I’ve changed your life for the better then go ahead. But leave the “Dog Love” to somebody else.

Thank you,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

PS: You left your comment under my Extremely Short Fictions category. I found that odd, as it has nothing to do with anything. Good luck with everything though.

Dear Dog, the Bounty Hunter

dog
When I am old and have children, I’ll tell them to be good or else “Dog, will find out and get you.” If they know what’s good for them, they will straighten up and fly right. I’m hoping they won’t realize that bounty hunting is illegal in this country and that my threats are baseless.

I enjoy the way you and your family cleverly carve up the perp’s chance for freedom like a butcher with a laser meat saw.

I can’t wait until your wedding ceremony is broadcast in my region Aug. 8th. The teaser promised a very suspenseful episode. Cold feet at the altar! The drama! It had better end happily.

Even though it probably won’t happen, I hope that after your wedding reception, you’ll rush off and catch a perp in your wedding clothes. I say it wouldn’t happen because you probably wear your regular protective black vests for safety reasons. You know better than I do what danger a meth-fuelled person can pose to your personal security.

Keep on truckn’ Dog.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

PS: ‘God’ spelt backwards is ‘Dog.’ Coincidence?