To My Useless Legs

That drunken soccer game was fun, you have to admit. But two days later and you’re still tight, sore, and painful to use. Now, when I try to go about my daily business I look like a geriatric Frankenstien. This won’t do.

I know I should probably excersize more. But judging from your reaction to the limited high-stress use I put you through during the game, I don’t think I’ll be able to any time soon.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy