Open letter to my 18-year-old self

Hey bucko,

You might be feeling kind of strange lately. That’s because Warthog Ale and motion sickness pills (MSPs) don’t mix. It seems like a good idea at first but you’ll realize that your judgement has been impaired for sometime when you finally sleep with Mann’s girlfriend. That’s another thing. Don’t sleep with Mann’s girlfriend, no matter how great an idea it seems like at the time. Sort of like the Warthog/MSPs cocktail. The more I think about it, the more I come to realize that the two elements are probably more connected than is tolerable.

Avoid both like the plague. Instead, move away from the city before going to college. It may be frightening at first but it turns out for the best.

Remember when you threw up on the hood of that black Navigator on your 18th birthday? Nothing bad ever comes of it. Kudos.


Fergis T. McGillicuddy