Dear Lindsay Lohan

Please don’t travel to Iraq. You have been chosen by the cosmos to be able to afford not having to worry about anything. Lindsay, people die in Iraq. Did you know that? And not from old age either, but from car bombs, bullet wounds and fire. Are these the sorts of people you want to perform for? Why not make another movie about a talking car instead. Don’t worry your pretty head about things like “politics” or “the news.” Just do some coke, drink some expensive vodka and bitch about Paris Hilton.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

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