To Spelling Bee Hero Finola Hacket

Congratulations on your finish in the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

I don't know the meanings of words like, "poiesis" or "esquisse," let alone the spellings of them.

The misspellers of the world will never understand the endurance required to complete the competition you have. Spelling Bees are furious tests of consitution. The weaker contestants have been reported to have internal brain traumas, forcing them from competition. Brains dripping from their noses Finola!

Your brain is different than theirs. It is made out of pure Spellimantium, a freakish organic metal that grows on those blessed by the god of spelling–Spelltrix. Your winning-competitor is blessed by Spelltrix as well, which is why you lost. Spelltrix created all the good spellers in the world to amuse himself. So don't take your crushing defeat personally.

Sincerely,

Fergis T. McGillicuddy

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